Mission Statements Suck : Mission Statement Generators

There are lot of great generators online that will create ridiculous (and quite real sounding) Mission Statements.  Here are a few with the first statement each created for us:

• http://www.netinsight.co.uk/portfolio/mission/missgen_intro.asp :We are committed to ensuring unquestionable dynamic metamorphosis by service and improved returns at all levels.
  
• http://www.isms.org.uk/mission%20statement.htm :Our one true aim is to focus visionary bandwidth with maximum improvement for the benefit of our leaders and other public bodies
• http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_feb2001/AutoMSG.htm :We progressively simplify multifunctional process improvements and continue to credibly build business ideas to set us apart fro mthe competition
• http://www.laughing-buddha.net/toys/mission? :Our goal is to continually integrate market-driven opportunities to provide solutions for our partners.
• http://www.evilgeniusmarketing.com/mission-statement-generator.cfm?egid=293 :To control the brain of George Clooney using hypnosis.

Mission Statements Suck : Mission Impossible

Mission Statements are usually crafted or re-crafted at executive offsite meetings after there has been some kind of trouble that makes a company look unfavorable to the public or shareholders  (i.e lead painted toys, e-coli burgers, insider trading before a poor quarterly report). They are supposed to give direction to the company, but more often than not they just leave regular employees scratching their heads trying to figure out if those three, all expense paid days in Hawaii for the "management team"  were really worth having the the training budget cut for the 4th consecutive year.

I've been involved with creating mission statements for our department and our small group.  Every time we have done it, it has been a complete and total waste of time.  My employees think it's all BS as soon as they see it (they are smart that way), but my bosses want me to push the idea anyway, thinking that I can somehow convince them that this little sentence will make all of our work dreams come true.  The problem is, most software developers can smell this type of thing from miles away, and if I try to push these things they will lose what little respect they still have for me.

Anyway, sometimes at lunch a few weeks ago I notices that a local mall fast food outlet had their mission statement printed on the wall.  It got me on a tear to see if I could find other fast food Mission Statements.

Not every fast food company has the balls to post their mission statement right up on their web site (we've looked!), but some do.

A good one (like the following from Chick-Fil-A)  looks something like this:

"Be America's Best Quick-Service Restaurant"

It's short, achievable,  to the point, and makes perfect sense.  It makes me want to work for them (or at the very least eat there...yum,...Chik-Fil-A!)

However, not all mission statements are created equal. Can you guess which national restaurant fast food chain calls this lofty and damned near impossible mission statment their own?

______ mission is "Deliver exceptional _____ dining experiences by building an organization where people are inspired to better their lives"

Wow. Better their lives.   I mean, really?  Which people?  The ones scooping the reheated food into the paper containers, or the ones trying to eat it?